On The Rock And Beyond The Storms
Greetings,
“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62: 1-2
That passage of scripture has never rang more true in my life than it has in this particular season. This current season has been one of rebuilding and fortifying for me. Almost ten years ago I nearly lost everything due to the fallout and issues related to 21 years of battling severe PTSD flashbacks of being raped and sexually abused as a child by my natural father and others. PTSD cost me a 30 year marriage, a terrific career, and endangered my relationships with my children, my friends, and the home fellowships I relate to.
However, in the last nine years Jesus has intervened in a mighty way and in the past five years I can finally honestly say that my soul has found rest in Him alone. This is nothing short of a major miracle my friends. I used to average over six psych unit hospitalizations a year, but now it has been over eight years since I last needed inpatient care and that was only a medication issue. Plus I have went from being suicidal on a daily basis to it being an extremely rare occurrence. Don’t get me wrong; Jesus never left me and kept me alive through some horrendous storms these past 21 years, but peace was a very rare thing indeed in all those years. Now I have peace every single day and I totally love it. Plus I haven’t had a full blown PTSD flashback episode in over eight years.
Occasional PTSD storms still blow through my life, but they no longer own me like they have in the past. In the past eight years Jesus has fully equipped me to face my problems, PTSD or otherwise, straight on with the help of the Holy Spirit. He has led me to open up and share my struggles publicly on this blog and that has released my mind and heart in ways I cannot even begin to describe. Being totally honest and open about my plight instead of trying to hide it like a dirty secret has released me from any shame or bondage from my past. Because of that I feel good about who I am today and I also have high hopes for tomorrow. Today I feel closer to Jesus than I ever have and going through what I have in the last 21 years has made me a better, more complete, person in many ways now. Let’s just say I more than earned my high level degree in compassion, empathy and patience.
Today, in Christ, I know that I will never be shaken to the point of being broken beyond repair. More storms are bound to happen, but I now have a solid foundation on Jesus the Rock and the wind can blow as hard as it wants; because I know in my heart and mind that I shall not be moved from where He has placed me now.
If you are reading this today and you struggle with mental health issues and depression please know that you are not alone and it is not something to be ashamed of. When I read Psalms I know that David was hard pressed at times and struggled with mental issues. The weeping prophet Jeremiah definitely dealt with depression. Paul, an apostle, and his fellow workers even despaired of life due to their hardships. (2 Corinthians 1:8) To me it sounds like they may have even been suicidal at times. No matter what issues you struggle with, I want you to know that you are not alone. If you need someone to talk and pray with you do not hesitate to call me @ 269-221-1266, anytime day or night. Jesus cares about you and so do I. I know from experience that we are NEVER alone. Jesus is always right there with you every step of the way, and I fellowship with some of the sincerest Christ followers I have ever known. They will bathe you in prayer and love you until you learn to love yourself again. Special thanks to everyone out there who reads my blog and has prayed for me these past nine years or longer. You mean more to me than you will ever know.
Love and……
Kirk Out !
P.s. To end this on a high note I want to thank Jesus for bringing Talena, such a high quality Godly woman into my life. We have been married 29 months now and she blesses me more and more each day. She prays for me and supports, encourages, and understands me like no woman ever has and I love and appreciate her greatly.
notesfromthebridge 
Reading your testimony brought my own walk to mind (I was abused as well in other ways and felt unloved and unlovable and was bound by condemnation and have received much inner healing over time as well). If I may offer, reading your blog brought to mind in particular a scripture and a profound experience I received in the spirit. While I was bring born of the Holy Spirit, the first words Father spoke to me audibly were ‘You cannot earn my love nor destroy it.” Shortly after a spirit filled woman took me under her wing and suggested I pray the following prayer over myself (among a few others that Paul prayed), which Apostle Paul wrote in Colossians 1: “that ye (I) might be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; That ye (I) might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints IN LIGHT: WHO HATH DELIVERED US FROM THE POWER OF DARKNESS, and hath TRANSLATED US INTO the kingdom of his dear Son: In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins.”
Since that moment in the realm of eternity (I was taken back before the foundations of the world and saw ‘us’ crucified in Christ and raised with Him) with ever increasing measures I have gone from a faith to a KNOWING we can rest in via the workings in my own life. You my friend have been blessed to receive ever increasing measures of KNOWING as well and I am truly blessed to have met you ‘within His Kingdom’ and to read of His healings in your life and to be encouraged to respond with my own testimonies.
Having been through much inner healing and deliverance at times His Spirit comes upon me and empowers me with the gift of inner healing/transformation in behalf of others as He ministers through me. IF you need me to be one of the others you spoke of in your writings to pray for those who call you, please let me know. You wrote: ” They will bathe you in prayer and love you until you learn to love yourself again.”
Thank you ever so much Bren. You most certainly are a beloved sister to me. Jesus has been so good to us.
Indeed! You as well for many our eternal brother in Christ. You are a witness of one of many who are being conformed into the image and likeness of our big brother according to Fathers will and for such a gift we can praise Him and bless Him together as one in the Spirit and in truth!
Yes Bren! Jesus is awesome…The ONE who calls us is faithful and HE will do it.
Always love hearing your wonderful testimony, Christopher! Jesus is so powerful and gracious and manifests Himself as all that through His people as well. What a wonderful family we are in!
Yes Dan, what a wonderful family is the True Body of Christ. I appreciate you brother.
Thank you, Christopher, for hanging in there, and for sharing your story to give us all hope and strength to carry on. You are a blessing.
I am just a brother Jem and you bless me too.