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The Freedom To Move Forward Again

February 1, 2017


“O Lord, how many are my foes!  How many rise up against me!  Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.”  Selah

But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.  To the Lord I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill.  Selah

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.  I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.  Arise, O Lord!  Deliver me, O my God!  Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked.  From the Lord comes deliverance.  May your blessing be on your people.  Selah”   Psalm 3

I am now in the process of living this Psalm out every day of my life.  My foes are PTSD flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse and brutal rapes and they are many.  Some have given up on me and are saying I will not recover from my affliction.

However, The Lord is my shield and He indeed does lift up my head.  I cry out to Jesus and He rescues me, time and time again.  I am now sleeping again and The Lord sustains me.  I will no longer fear the multitude of flashbacks that have tried to hold me captive oh so long.  I look to The Lord and He brings me deliverance.

This past week has been amazing with so many breakthroughs that I now cry tears of joy even as I write this.  Jesus has invaded my dreams once again and He has driven out the enemy. Now when I have a flashback Jesus is right there with me speaking words of comfort, love and freedom.  I have not felt such freedom in over 17 years.

Family members, friends and previous doctors and counselors had given up on me.  However now I rise up from the ashes and I feel His hand upon me like never before.  It is like a new chapter in my life is being written and I am amazed.  I can now look to the future with a renewed hope and clarity of vision.  Am I completely out of the woods yet?  Only time will tell, but just like Jesus led me out of the woods when I was a young child, He is now in my sight again and all I want to do is follow Him.

I am very thankful for the multitude of prayers and words of encouragement that I have received from The Body Of Christ these past 17 years.  Thanks also to those of you following this blog that have interceded for me countless times.  I wish I could put into words how I am feeling right now, but it is so beyond words that I can’t even start.  All I can say is JESUS IS AWESOME!  Please allow Him to work in your life as He has in mine?

Love and ….

Kirk Out !

P.s.  The last twelve days have been a challenge to endure.  The most flashbacks and lack of sleep that I have faced in over four years.  Still it has been less than a full blown PTSD episode and I am grateful for that fact.  Three consecutive nights without sleep definitely beats nine for sure.  Jesus is with me every step of the way and I know I can make it through this temporary obstacle with the direct aid of the Holy Spirit and the intercession and encouragement of my true siblings in Christ.









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  1. Amen Brother! He is our shield indeed!

  2. Sue heumann permalink

    Christopher …intereceding here on your behalf often!! Thankful and glad I can be on this’s journey in life together! Praying w you👍🙏👏 trusting God ….His will and way is GOOD. WE WANT IT!🙏😘

  3. Judy Baker permalink

    I have PTSD as the Drs described it . Many episodes of being molested as a very young child by my dad’s oldest brother. I had nightmares for years. Then a near death experience from my hubby years ago. Even though I forgave him, the memories come back. I can relate to the horrible feeling.
    One night crying on the couch alone feeling like it was just me and my 4 daughters alone against the world- a bright light appeared thru my fingers and I became afraid … quietly I peeked through my fingers
    I saw a man dressed in white with sandals ..coming towards me. I did not move as I was scared. HE SAID ” Why are you crying? Don’t cry …I will never leave you or forsake you.” as he walked closer . I saw him clearly. I thought maybe I was asleep n dreaming so I pinched myself. I was awake. I can describe him to this day. Then he repeated what he said and was so close to me. I was frozen and did not move but I was not crying and felt relived. Then he slowly went away down the hall with the bright light..and disappeared. I was in shock. It was not a dream. I wondered if it was a mirage. I did see Jesus or an angel walking up to me in a bright light reassuring me with his words from the Bible. I never told anyone for years. It was true and I knew they would think I was crazy or dreaming. It has never happened again.
    I know God works in mysterious ways. I believe he wanted me to know that I was not alone. He sent His Son to tell me. I was never so heartbroken in all my life until he came late that night. I know Jesus is the Comforter. 0ur Savior and Healer . I am human & imperfect. But my faith is strong from a little girl. Thank you Lord for being with all those with a broken heart. Loving us always there.

    • Judy, thank you ever so much for sharing your story with us here. I believe you saw Jesus that night and that you still walk with Him all these years later. I appreciate you Judy.

  4. tom ball permalink

    Over and over when I’ve worked with adult survivors of childhood abuse and neglect, especially sexual abuse and ritual abuse, Jesus shows up back in the memories and enables the survivor to give to him the still-carried pain, fear, etc. TheoPhostic Prayer.

    • Yes Tom and you have helped me too. Jesus is The Light and He eradicates the darkness.

  5. Sue heumann permalink

    Thanks for sharing your stories. It is encouraging to those of us who were not abused, too.💓 Praising Jesus for His Love for every person….

    • Sharing makes us all stronger and more compassionate. You are a grand encourager Sue.

  6. James Walton permalink

    Keep pressing on and trusting in Jesus, He can and will bring full deliverance. Don’t believe the lies of the enemy, Jesus loves you, He will continually deliver you, and He will use you to help bring deliverance to others. You will be a part of His Last Reformation in these end days.

    • James, my friend, thank you for that wonderful exhortation. I believe every word of it.

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