Autumn Rains 2016 Update

Greetings,

Joel 2:23-26 (New International Version)

23 “Be glad, people of Zion,
rejoice in the Lord your God,
for he has given you the autumn rains
because he is faithful.
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before.
24 The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.

25 “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm[a]—
my great army that I sent among you.
26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.”

On October 24th 2013,  Catherine S. left the following comment on my blog “Fear No More”

“How wonderful to hear of Christ’s miracle in your life! As I read your post, I thought of Joel 2:23-26, and especially where the Lord says His people will be repaid “for the years the locusts have eaten.” I not only believe that God will continue in His faithfulness to heal you, but that the passage in Joel is a word for you.”

As I sit here three years later updating this blog post there are literally tears of gratitude and joy streaming down my cheeks again onto my very damp shirt.  Christ’s presence in my life is utterly undeniable and I am so very, very grateful.  This is my fourth straight October without a single PTSD episode in 17 years.  In fact I have been PTSD episode free for over 37 months now.  This freedom from flashbacks of brutal rapes and childhood sexual abuse is truly a miracle in my life and I praise Jesus for the peace that now floods my soul and mind.  I still have the occasional mild flashback, but they no longer cause me great distress and that is saying a lot; because in the last 17 years I have had nearly 50 psychiatric hospitalizations and several serious suicide attempts.

The Lord sent His autumn rains to cleanse and purify all of my fall memories.  I was four years old the first time I was molested and raped in a pile of autumn leaves and until Fall 2013 the beautiful fall foliage brought to my mind only excessive fear and terror. Today I am not afraid and can actually enjoy all the colors that this season brings.  Historically my November’s have been as challenging and difficult as my Octobers, but with all of this positive Spiritual momentum I feel like, with the help of Jesus and His Body, I can face any obstacles that the next month may bring.

The locusts have indeed eaten a good portion of my last 17 years of life.  Although in the last 5.5 years I have made significant progress in dealing with my childhood issues.  I now feel that every area of my life is in the process of complete restoration.  However, by my ex-wife’s choosing..our marriage is one thing that will not be restored.  I understand her choice and I am glad to report that we are getting along better now and that our relationship as ex’s is about as good as it can be at this point. Every other area of my life is going amazingly well.   Relationships with my children and friends are completely healed and GOD has placed my 17 year old daughter, Lydia, in my home for her last 2 years of High School.  I am also very close with my 4 grandchildren.  Kaden just turned 4, the twins Augustus and Annabelle just turned 18 months and Owen is now there and a half, and they all are very bright spots in my life.  I get to see all of them at least several times a month.  I am also extremely happy to report that God has placed a wonderful, beautiful woman in my life.  My relationship with Janet is unfolding and progressing nicely and we both acknowledge that Jesus has orchestrated our very deep connection.  We both definitely feel we have a great future together. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically I have never felt better in all my 54 years.

Jesus has always been with me from my earliest childhood memories, (HE was there holding and comforting me during the times of abuse) but now there is an intimacy and a closeness that has been lacking in recent years due to the flashbacks.  The relationship I now share with Jesus is more than worth having to go through 17 years of hell to obtain.  As I draw closer and closer to Him, He does not retreat, but presses even closer to me than I could ever imagine or explain with mere words. This relationship leads me to connect with others in the Body of Christ even deeper than ever before and also leads me to reach out to those yet to know Him in amazing ways.  Our times of fellowship together encourage us to press more and more into the fullness of His Truth in Love.  His mercy and grace carried me for 17 years and now all I want to do is carry His love, truth, mercy and grace to others who desperately need the touch of Christ in their lives  Thank you for that word Catherine.  It found roots in my heart and encouraged me greatly.  I know that the prayers of many have been sent out for me over the years and I appreciate every single one of them.  With the help of Jesus and His dear saints I can now stand upright and I am ready to be poured out for the sake of others now.  If Jesus could rescue and deliver me I know He can do it for anyone else too.  Don’t give up!  Sometimes it takes awhile (even 17 years), but you just might be His very next miracle deliverance.

Love and…..

Kirk Out !

P.s.  All that being said, I would still appreciate your prayers.  The past 10 days I haven’t got much sleep.  I am averaging about 4.5 hours a night.  I fall asleep fine, but get awakened by some fierce flashbacks/nightmares and then have great difficulty falling back to sleep.  I am certain this is just a speedbump, but I really need more sleep in order better function and cope.