Full Ahead Mr. Sulu
I have had a HUGE problem in my life. The problem is I can have major difficulty keeping my head in the present. Sometimes I spend a large portion of time living in my past. That is definitely NOT a good thing for me to do. However, that is exactly where my thoughts take me, again and again and again. This is mostly due to my PTSD flashbacks. I went through hell as a child and I find myself reliving the traumatic sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse in my mind, over and over again. It can be extremely difficult for me to stay oriented to the present. Prayer helps, but what helps the most is being around friends and family, and fellowshipping in Christ with them. They know my problem and they do an excellent job of reminding me of what year we are actually in and how long ago the abuse really occurred. Their love and support help to keep me grounded in the present moment.
It is not that I try to stay in the past. I fight the good fight of faith every day and strive to remain in the present. However, at times the past just overtakes me and in an instant I get all lost in it. I have recently discovered that old songs and television shows can trigger the flashbacks. It is totally an immense battle for my mind. But I need to remember that, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10: 4 and 5
If I try to fight my past memories with mere natural mental and physical means they kick my ass every time. However, if I surrender all of them to The Lord and fight in The Spirit with supernatural means I have much better success. I have found it vital to “take captive EVERY thought”. And not just the thoughts I predetermine to be harmful. I am NOT the filter and judge of even my own thoughts. No, I must make my thoughts “obedient to Christ”. If I am in charge of the gateway to my mind I will totally screw it up most of the time, but if I allow Jesus to always be in that role I find tremendous peace.
Obedience to Christ sets me and my mind free. I just love the word obedience. Especially since I discovered its core meaning. It was right there all the time and I don’t know how I ever missed it. What is central to obedience? ObeDIEnce, DIE is central and the key. If I DIE daily and allow Jesus to take ALL control and live in me, then and only then do I really walk in total freedom. Today at this very moment I am free, and I owe it all to Jesus and those HE put in my life to help me.
Kirk Out !
P.s. While I still have occasional flashbacks..I have not had a full blown PTSD episode in nearly three years. Praise Jesus!