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Where the hell is Counselor Troi when you need her?

May 28, 2016


What I am about to share is not a popular topic among most Christians.  It is one of those “close your eyes and pray, maybe it will go away” type of things.  But, facts are facts and they should not be ignored.  My name is Christopher Kirk and I suffer from major depression and PTSD among other things.  There!  Now it is out there and we can discuss it.  I was diagnosed about 17 years ago, but I really believe that my depression started at an early age.  Being brutally abused in about all the ways you can possibly be abused (sexually, physically, emotionally, verbally) has a way of messing with your head.  The beatings alone do a big trick on your brain chemistry.  At a time when your brain really needed to be further developed.  I honestly do not know what my psyche lacks, but I am thinking that there are some huge holes in there that need some serious patching.

Don’t get me wrong, The Lord has brought me a ton of healing over the years and we have made great progress.  However, my pit of despair seems to still be with me most days.  I take anti-depressants every day and most of the time they help some, but it is like I never get fully over the hump of my sorrows. Jesus is with me in this I do not doubt because HE too was,” a man of sorrows familiar with suffering.”

Paul wrote in Romans 9 that, “I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart.”  If this apostle suffered in such a way… why should I be exempt?  Yet there are many religious folks out there that simply say that God’s children should never suffer from such things.  They pray for healing (which I am all for), but if the healing does not come.  They say the one who was suffering must be in sin or lacking in faith.  When the simple truth is that some depression or suffering is just part of living life on life’s terms in this day and age.

The way I get through each day is simple.  I depend on Jesus and fellowship with my siblings in Christ.  Since I have not tried to hide my afflictions my sisters and brothers are able to come alongside me and help carry my burdens, and in turn I do the same with them.  When I say fellowship I do not mean sitting in rows where all I can see and relate to is the back of someones head.  To me fellowship is an all inclusive deal.  It is totally shared life between believers.  It means totally being there for each other with warts, blemishes, sins, farts and all. I am talking about deep relationship here.  I am talking about shared life and holding nothing back from the table, not even the embarrassing stuff.  When I get depressed and down they lift me up.  When they get in a jam I am there for them.  Quite simply we are more than family and we belong with one another.  Through all the ups and downs and twists and turns of life,  We are HIS Body.

Today is not such a great day for me, but due to some encouragement from my believing friends I will get by.  Better than that eventually I will overcome.  But, until then ” I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death. and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”

Love and……,

Kirk out!

P.s.  Wow!  I wrote this blog post in August 2011, the very first month of this blog’s existence.  I sit here now in awe of just how far Jesus has brought me in the last 5 years.  These days depression is minimal in my life and I rarely visit “the pit of despair” and I haven’t had a full blown PTSD episode in over 3 years.  I literally take less than half the amount of medication that I used to and will be reducing it even more in the coming months.  I am pretty certain that makes me a walking miracle.  I have the best friends anyone could ask for and the fellowship we share in Christ is so full and rich that I cannot hardly begin to express its depth with mere words.  Jesus has put the most wonderful woman back in my life and I am very grateful for that.  Feelings of fear and dread that used to be with me everyday are simply nowhere to be found now.  I now look forward to every day and my future is very promising.  Thanks to Jesus, my sibling peers in Christ, Janet, my Spirit filled psychiatrist, and a counselor who is closer than a brother.  I am now living my life in Christ to its fullest with no regrets.  I would not be who I am today without being able to share openly and honestly about my afflictions, struggles and problems.  Totally free & open, Spirit led fellowship and being able to hold nothing back has set me free.  That is why I deeply desire to help others find true, rewarding and rich fellowship.  Freedom is out there people.  So please don’t give up.  Thanks for listening.










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  1. Hi Kirk,  I am not sure how we got connected, but we do receive your devotions, “notesfromthebridge. I have been disheartened the last two that I have received from you by the curse words that you are using, and brought me to the Bible verse, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” You have contact and influence with many folks, so I felt like the Lord wanted me to write you to let you know. However, on the other hand, Thank-you for your devotion today. It was awesome as you said we will suffer, and you are so right! But what a privilege to suffer for the sake of Christ. It lead me to the following verses below. May God bless you in a powerful way! Grace and Peace,Teresa

    Suffering For Christ’s Sake

    Most Relevant Verses Acts 5:41Verse ConceptsSo they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name.Acts 9:16Verse Conceptsfor I will show him how much he must suffer for My name’s sake.”Romans 8:17Verse Conceptsand if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him.Romans 8:36Verse ConceptsJust as it is written, “FOR YOUR SAKE WE ARE BEING PUT TO DEATH ALL DAY LONG; WE WERE CONSIDERED AS SHEEP TO BE SLAUGHTERED.”2 Corinthians 1:7Verse Conceptsand our hope for you is firmly grounded, knowing that as you are sharers of our sufferings, so also you are sharers of our comfort.2 Corinthians 11:23Verse ConceptsAre they servants of Christ?–I speak as if insane–I more so; in far more labors, in far more imprisonments, beaten times without number, often in danger of death.Philippians 3:10Verse Conceptsthat I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death;2 Timothy 2:12Verse ConceptsIf we endure, we will also reign with Him; If we deny Him, He also will deny us;Hebrews 11:25Verse Conceptschoosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin,James 5:10Verse ConceptsAs an example, brethren, of suffering and patience, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.1 Peter 2:20Verse ConceptsFor what credit is there if, when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God.1 Peter 3:14Verse ConceptsBut even if you should suffer for the sake of righteousness, you are blessed AND DO NOT FEAR THEIR INTIMIDATION, AND DO NOT BE TROUBLED,1 Peter 4:16Verse Conceptsbut if anyone suffers as a Christian, he is not to be ashamed, but is to glorify God in this name.1 Peter 5:10Verse ConceptsAfter you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.Matthew 5:11Verse Concepts”Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me.Matthew 10:22Verse Concepts”You will be hated by all because of My name, but it is the one who has endured to the end who will be saved.Matthew 10:39Verse Concepts”He who has found his life will lose it, and he who has lost his life for My sake will find it.Matthew 19:29Verse Concepts”And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.1 Corinthians 4:10Verse ConceptsWe are fools for Christ’s sake, but you are prudent in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are distinguished, but we are without honor.2 Corinthians 4:5Verse ConceptsFor we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus’ sake.2 Corinthians 4:11Verse ConceptsFor we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.2 Corinthians 12:10Verse ConceptsTherefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.Philippians 1:29Verse ConceptsFor to you it has been granted for Christ’s sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake,

    From: notesfromthebridge To: Sent: Saturday, May 28, 2016 9:47 PM Subject: [New post] Where the hell is Counselor Troi when you need her? #yiv4085851544 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv4085851544 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv4085851544 a.yiv4085851544primaryactionlink:link, #yiv4085851544 a.yiv4085851544primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv4085851544 a.yiv4085851544primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv4085851544 a.yiv4085851544primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv4085851544 | oikoskrk posted: “Greetings,What I am about to share is not a popular topic among most Christians.  It is one of those “close your eyes and pray, maybe it will go away” type of things.  But, facts are facts and they should not be ignored.  My name is Christopher Kirk and” | |

    • Is it Daniel or Teresa? Thanks for sharing your portion of the truth in love here today. We may disagree on what language is unwholesome, but we agree on Christ and I will prayerfully consider your word of correction to me. “Damn” may cross the line, but “hell” might not. They are both quotes from movies and I felt that they would not stumble other followers of Christ or sincere seekers.

      • "BK" Zimmer permalink

        Maybe Teresa Allen? 🙂 Just wanted to say I appreciated her gentle admonition and that I have to agree. If I know there is ‘language’ in one of the blogs before I read it I’m not stumbled but I do confess to opting out on reading that particular one. I know there are many who don’t seem to see anything wrong so I haven’t commented on it until now. Love, “BK”

  2. Dan permalink

    So thankful and glad for how far He has brought you. He is so good! Awesome to have a spiritual family there for you too (and vice versa)! Will continue to pray. Blessings!

  3. Sue heumann permalink

    Just loving the connection bro’s and Sis’s can have even across the miles…’s amazing grace that connects and keeps us lifted and sharing centering on Jesus❤️🙏 Prayers for continued love, free sharing, and considering all words from one another👍☝ “My God is so big, so strong an so mighty there’s nothing He cannot do!”… ( singing this a lot this week with granddaughters…..)…..sue

    • Sue, once again here you are speaking the Truth in Love. In The Spirit there are no boundaries of time or distance to separate us. In HIM we are One in The Spirit!

    • "BK" Zimmer permalink

      Amen, Sue! We happen to be in a place where one of the sisters are in a pretty exclusive group who can’t imagine open fellowship anywere but in her group. I read just the PS of this one to Ken yesterday and she just silently got up and got busy elsewhere in the house! I, too, am so thankful for no time or space or group that has the corner on the moving of His Spirit. This is indeed a precious place! Love, “BK”

  4. BK, I refuse to use my own predetermined filter when choosing to interact or not with any person or piece of writing. I choose to allow The Spirit to be my filter and guide when approaching any given situation. If I decided to avoid offensive people or material upfront I would miss numerous opportunities to reach others with the Truth in Love. To my knowledge the only possible offensive words I have ever used in this entire blog’s history are shit (a word which Paul used in the bible) damn (and not in the context of damning people) and hell (a word used in scripture also.) It is a free country so everyone is free to choose to opt out of anything they want to and that doesn’t bother me. However in principle I choose to not prejudge any person or situation, I instead wait for the Spirit’s leading and confirmation on EVERYTHING. Sure sometimes I miss that mark due to my flesh, but my goal is to always be Spirit led in spite of how the situation may appear to my physical eyes and ears. Thanks to everyone who interacted on this post. Without everyone’s portion of the Truth in Love we would likely miss out on the beautiful balance Christ wants to give all of us on any given topic.

    • "BK permalink

      So I have to comment a bit further here. 🙂 After posting I started reading this AWESOME book written by a Jesuit priest who works with the gangs in Los Angeles. I have to admit the language at times makes me to cringe. Also have to admit, given the ‘reality’ in the book it is almost necessary (although in all my ‘admitting’ my own conscience would still be editing it out…..sigh). I am saying all this to say for sure, Christopher, once should not ‘judge a book by its cover’ and I sort of stand corrected….by the Lord Himself, I think! 🙂 Love you, “BK”

      • BK, I admire your willingness to be changed or corrected by the Spirit. I find Being in the Spirit much like flying in a plane with numerous little course corrections on every flight. LOve you!!

  5. Yes I too experience the pain, suffering and sorrow… to me it seems part of the package deal… but JOY cometh in the Morning!

    • Thank you for your empathy Mike. Yes, JOY comes in the morning and Jesus is The Morningstar!

  6. janet fowler permalink

    Thank you Chris for sharing this. At first reading I was worried about you, not realizing it was an old post! Very relieved! Regarding the language, I have no problem with those few words, which are found in the bible. My first thought when I saw a comment on it was to be reminded of the verse about straining out a gnat. These are just words given a certain meaning and considered offensive due to cultural shaping. We could give a thumbs up in another culture and offend a LOT of people. I do appreciate that this persons general focus is supportive and not getting too hung up on a few words. There is a whole lot of good ( the baby) to disregard the whole thing ( including the bathwater) Not meaning to argue here but just give my two cents.

    • Janet, your 2 cents accepted and appreciated. I love it when you add to the conversation.

    • "BK permalink

      I like your 2 cents, Janet! Love you, “BK”

    • "BK permalink

      Hmmmmmmm, if I could add just a bit for the sake of conversation. The fact that this IS our culture is where I believe the key actually lies. If I was in a culture where a thumbs up brought offense, then I wouldn’t do that. Wouldn’t it work the same in reverse? With us? I rarely see parents encouraging their two year olds to use even mild language (realizing there is always exceptions). When I am on the streets I don’t say or object to their language as I am on their turf. When I am among those saved then sometimes I will comment, sometimes not. Just thinking outloud….”BK”

  7. "BK" Zimmer permalink

    Hope I didn’t offend you. Just mentioning that there are others who feel as Teresa. I do recognize personal filters play into this. I hope you didn’t think I was trying to muzzle you; you can only be who you are. Love you (which I know you know), “BK”

    • BK and all, absolutely no offense taken whatsoever. Just part of talking it all out on the threshing floor. Love you too.

  8. Tom Ball permalink

    As the body receives stress, or simply ages, it’s pretty normal for various transmitters, receptors, and neurochemistry to lose efficiency. I’m happy my daily Zoloft helps me maintain emotional equilibrium. I’m pretty sure Jesus is happy for me, too.

    • Thanks for sharing Tom Ball. I make it through each day by prayer and medication. I am certain that you make Jesus happy though your service to HIM and others for many years.

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