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Walking Along The Beach With My Mom Again

February 24, 2016


“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God.  Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”  Hebrews 12: 1-3

Last week while in sunny Florida I spent a lot of time walking on the beach where we spread my Mother’s ashes over fourteen years ago.  Now I don’t believe that we can have conversations with the dead, but I do believe that remembering them can give us much solace.  My Mom and I used to walk Green Key beach, hand in hand, often when I was ages 4-11.  I remember her touch, smile, hair and our encouraging conversations.

During the last several years I have learned from The Lord the power of positive memories.  Having PTSD these last 17 years I have been flooded with negative flashbacks and memories on numerous occasions.  They have been so over-powering at times that they even led me to be suicidal quite often.

Recently, Jesus has been leading me to recapture the good and positive memories of my childhood. PTSD made me re-live brutal abuse and rapes by my father from ages 4-11.  These horrific memories filled almost all of my days and nights with pain and terror.  Now that is all changing as I allow myself to embrace and remember the excellent times I also had during my childhood.  Now The Lord is using the fantastic moments of my youth to counter balance the scales of my life.  In the past I found trying to recall these fond moments nearly impossible due to the sheer weight and volume of the horrific flashbacks.  However, now Jesus has granted me much abundant grace and freedom in recalling the wonderful days of my youth.

I believe that now my Mom is a member of the great cloud of witnesses that I am engulfed and surrounded by.  Now I am throwing off the negative memories that have hindered me for the last 17 years and I am also no longer giving in to the sin of ungodly inner rage, self loathing and anger that had me entangled for so long.  My eyes are now totally fixed on Jesus and because of that I am no longer growing weary or losing heart.  Jesus endured opposition from sinful men as I have endured opposition from my earthly father and the enemy.

I fully embrace the current freedom I am experiencing and I am just loving being able to recall the great times of my youth.  I was in chains to the flashbacks, but now I am free.  When the enemy comes against me now in my mind I just recall and re-live the walks on the beach with my loving, gracious and wonderful Mom.  I thank the Lord for granting me the liberty to replace my destructive past with a loving and productive one.  Now when the flashbacks hit, I just close my eyes and all of sudden I am there with my Mom on that beach and more amazing than that Jesus is there hand in hand with me and my Mom too.  Such a simple revelation and I just hope and pray that someday everyone out there reading this can be set free from any part of their past that holds them back in this life also.

Love and ….

Kirk Out !














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  1. God is so very good and wise. So glad for the peace that just pours out from this post, and for His work in broken hearts. 💚

  2. Chris, yesterday my pastor cousin in Minn. posted a question on fb..,.”what blessings do you tend to forget to thank God for?” My answer was “the blessing of memories”. Do I think God is teaching me something here??? Ummmmm duh….. I truly thank God with you, for your newfound happiness and joy, and for my rediscovery of them too. Some days are just,hard when I open my eyes in the morning…,then I think on Him, His blessings…,anything above “naked I came into the World and naked I return” is above and beyond what I deserve. Blessings need to be seen, and He is showing me rich things from my past that I didn’t realize were so special to be an encouragement in these years, too.

  3. So true Sue! HIS mercies and blessings are new EVERY morning. It is up to me whether I choose to walk in them or not.

  4. Tom Ball permalink

    Thank you, Lord Jesus, for healing… and for your gracious presence.

  5. Yes Tom, praise and thank you Jesus!

  6. “I walk in the heavenly with Jesus
    All earthly cares left behind
    Seated at the Right Hand of The Father
    All Athority and Power is mine”

    “So set your affections on things from Above
    With Christ at the Right Hand of God”

  7. "BK" permalink

    This is once again an underscore for me of the verses that say when we suffer together we get to rejoice together. My heart has ached to hear the words of testimony that flow from you these days and joyful tears now flow from my eyes as the heartache turns to joy. Love, “BK”

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