On The Rock And Beyond The Storms
“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” Psalm 62: 1-2
That passage of scripture has never rang more true in my life than it has in this particular season. This current season has been one of rebuilding and fortifying for me. Almost five years ago I nearly lost everything due to the fallout and issues related to 17 years of battling severe PTSD flashbacks of being raped and sexually abused as a child by my natural father and others. PTSD cost me a 30 year marriage, a terrific career, and endangered my relationships with my children, my friends, and the home fellowships I relate to.
However, in the last four years Jesus has intervened in a mighty way and in the past 27 months I can finally honestly say that my soul has found rest in Him alone. This is nothing short of a major miracle my friends. I used to average over six psych hospitalizations a year, but now it has been over 3 years since I last needed inpatient care and that was only a medication issue. Plus I have went from being suicidal on a daily basis to it being an extremely rare occurrence. Don’t get me wrong; Jesus never left me and kept me alive through some horrendous storms these past 17 years, but peace was a very rare thing indeed in all those years. Now I have peace every single day and I totally love it. Plus I haven’t had a full blown PTSD flashback episode in over 29 months.
Occasional PTSD storms still blow through my life, but they no longer own me like they have in the past. In the past four years Jesus has fully equipped me to face my problems, PTSD or otherwise, straight on with the help of the Holy Spirit. He has led me to open up and share my struggles publicly on this blog and that has released my mind and heart in ways I cannot even begin to describe. Being totally honest and open about my plight instead of trying to hide it like a dirty secret has released me from any shame or bondage from my past. Because of that I feel good about who I am today and I also have high hopes for tomorrow. Today I feel closer to Jesus than I ever have and going through what I have in the last 17 years has made me a better, more complete, person in many ways now. Let’s just say I more than earned my high level degree in compassion, empathy and patience.
Today, in Christ, I know that I will never be shaken to the point of being broken beyond repair. More storms are bound to happen, but I now have a solid foundation on Jesus the Rock and the wind can blow as hard as it wants; because I know in my heart and mind that I shall not be moved from where He has placed me now.
If you are reading this today and you struggle with mental health issues and depression please know that you are not alone and it is not something to be ashamed of. When I read Psalms I know that David was hard pressed at times and struggled with mental issues. The weeping prophet Jeremiah definitely dealt with depression. Paul, an apostle, and his fellow workers even despaired of life due to their hardships. (2 Corinthians 1:8) To me it sounds like they may have even been suicidal at times. No matter what issues you struggle with, I want you to know that you are not alone. If you need someone to talk and pray with you do not hesitate to call me @ 269-221-1266, anytime day or night. Jesus cares about you and so do I. I know from experience that we are NEVER alone. Jesus is always right there with you every step of the way, and I fellowship with some of the sincerest Christ followers I have ever known. They will bathe you in prayer and love you until you learn to love yourself again. Special thanks to everyone out there who reads my blog and has prayed for me these past 4 years or longer. You mean more to me than you will ever know.
Kirk Out !