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The Freedom To Move Forward

September 15, 2015


“O Lord, how many are my foes!  How many rise up against me!  Many are saying of me, “God will not deliver him.”  Selah

But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.  To the Lord I cry aloud, and He answers me from His holy hill.  Selah

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.  I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.  Arise, O Lord!  Deliver me, O my God!  Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked.  From the Lord comes deliverance.  May your blessing be on your people.  Selah”   Psalm 3

I am now in the process of living this Psalm out every day of my life.  My foes are PTSD flashbacks of childhood sexual abuse and brutal rapes and they are many.  Some have given up on me and are saying I will not recover from my affliction.

However, The Lord is my shield and He indeed does lift up my head.  I cry out to Jesus and He rescues me, time and time again.  I am now sleeping again and The Lord sustains me.  I will no longer fear the multitude of flashbacks that have tried to hold me captive oh so long.  I look to The Lord and He brings me deliverance.

This past week has been amazing with so many breakthroughs that I now cry tears of joy even as I write this.  Jesus has invaded my dreams once again and He has driven out the enemy. Now when I have a flashback Jesus is right there with me speaking words of comfort, love and freedom.  I have not felt such freedom in over 16 years.

Family members, friends and previous doctors and counselors had given up on me.  However now I rise up from the ashes and I feel His hand upon me like never before.  It is like a new chapter in my life is being written and I am amazed.  I can now look to the future with a renewed hope and clarity of vision.  Am I completely out of the woods yet?  Only time will tell, but just like Jesus led me out of the woods when I was a young child, He is now in my sight again and all I want to do is follow Him.

I am very thankful for the multitude of prayers and words of encouragement that I have received from The Body Of Christ these past 16 years.  Thanks also to those of you following this blog that have interceded for me countless times.  I wish I could put into words how I am feeling right now, but it is so beyond words that I can’t even start.  All I can say is JESUS IS AWESOME!  Please allow Him to work in your life as He has in mine?

Love and ….

Kirk Out !

P.s.  The last ten days have been a challenge to endure.  The most flashbacks and lack of sleep that I have faced in over two years.  Still it has been less than a full blown PTSD episode and I am grateful for that fact.  Two consecutive nights without sleep definitely beats nine for sure.  Jesus is with me every step of the way and I know I can make it through this temporary obstacle with the direct aid of the Holy Spirit.  On the total upside, my daughter Lydia staying here with me is going just fantastic.  God is good!


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  1. freeoneindeed permalink

    I can’t begin to understand what you’ve been through. But I know Jesus is faithful and he will see his work completed in you. Don’t fear, only believe!

  2. Suzy Crees permalink

    The people who have given up on you have really given up on Jesus. He does His work in His own way and in His time. I am so glad that you have not given up on our Lord and you have experienced His wonders in your life. He alone is our Rock and Salvation!

  3. janet fowler permalink

    I know the enemy fights tooth and nail to shut down the ones who are doing God’s work. Keep resting in HIM. HE will triumph over your enemies! You are loved and cherished by many. Blessings to you.

  4. "BK" permalink

    We met Chris in 1999, just after his very first PTSD episode. We have had the privilege of walking through this period of his life with him…and I do mean privilege. Watching his ‘successes and failures’ (if there is such a thing!) and his huge losses and comebacks and growth in Christ has brought tears of both anguish and joy to us. Well does the scripture say when we suffer together we also get to rejoice together. I still remember the outright crying the first time he actually saw Jesus with him in a flashback….and the monumental difference that made in his life. Chris, you are as close as any brother or sister to us and we do so love you, Ken & “BK”

  5. Paul Russell permalink

    It is the human way to walk by those in need and forget them. ..see the good Samaritan story.. it is only God that is forever faithful never changing..

    We humans are in a fallen broken world that one day via our natural passing or God removal we shall know true peace without the pains we endure living in a broken world. .

    Only the father (God) is good!

  6. Tears of joy for you!

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