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Full Ahead Mr. Sulu

January 6, 2015


I have had a HUGE problem in my life.  The problem is I can have major difficulty keeping my head in the present.  Sometimes I spend a large portion of time living in my past.  That is definitely NOT a good thing for me to do.  However,  that is exactly where my thoughts take me, again and again and again.  This is mostly due to my PTSD flashbacks.   I went through hell as a child and I find myself reliving the traumatic sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse in my mind, over and over again.  It can be extremely difficult for me to stay oriented to the present.  Prayer helps, but what helps the most is being around friends and family, and fellowshipping in Christ with them.  They know my problem and they do an excellent  job of reminding me of what year we are actually in and how long ago the abuse really occurred.  Their love and support help to keep me grounded in the present moment.

It is not that I try to stay in the past.  I fight the good fight of faith every day and strive to remain in the present.  However, at times the past just overtakes me and in an instant I get all lost in it.  It is totally an immense battle for my mind.  But I need to remember that, “The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world.  On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  2 Corinthians 10: 4 and 5

If I try to fight my past memories with mere natural mental and physical means they kick my ass every time.  However, if I surrender all of them to The Lord and fight in The Spirit with supernatural means I have much better success.  I have found it vital to “take captive EVERY thought”.  And not just the thoughts I predetermine to be harmful.  I am NOT the filter and judge of even my own thoughts.  No, I must make my thoughts “obedient to Christ”.  If I am in charge of the gateway to my mind I will totally screw it up most of the time, but if I allow Jesus to always be in that role I find tremendous peace.

Obedience to Christ sets me and my mind free.  I just love the word obedience.  Especially since I discovered its core meaning.  It was right there all the time and I don’t know how I ever missed it. What is central to obedience?  ObeDIEnce, DIE is central and the key.  If I DIE daily and allow Jesus to take ALL control and live in me, then and only then do I really walk in total freedom.  Today at this very moment I am free, and I owe it all to Jesus and those HE put in my life to help me.

Love and……,

Kirk out!

P.s.  While I still have the occasional flashback I have not had a full blown PTSD episode in over 17 months.  Praise Jesus!

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  1. Always keeping you in my prayers

  2. Ramma permalink

    This testimony makes me wonder how people can think they are capable of walking without Christ. Even more importantly that there is no need of a Savior. I can’t believe that. Wonderful reminder of our need of Him daily and our responsibility to give our life over to Him. Blessings

  3. Jayne Otterson permalink

    good post…

  4. Suzy Crees permalink

    This is great. I have a friend who struggles with thoughts from the past and I have been unsure how to help her. I will remember to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

  5. Even without PTSD, I find myself dwelling on some stupid thing I did years ago that I wished I done differently. In the present, I know I’m giving power to something that has no power over me. Thanks for the reminder to keep every thought captive.

  6. "BK" permalink

    Me too, Wayne. I so relate with this. It’s better now but in years gone by I used to SHOUT “I AM NOT…..I AM NOT……” and struggle. As I realized things do not have power over me, that things that are dead don’t come back and ‘get me’ like I feared, my rest in Him has become the strength of my life and the strongholds are really pulled down. Walk on, Christopher….what a testimony to His delivering power. Much love, “BK”

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