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Autumn Rains 2014 Update

October 24, 2014


Joel 2:23-26 (New International Version)

23 “Be glad, people of Zion,
rejoice in the Lord your God,
for he has given you the autumn rains
because he is faithful.
He sends you abundant showers,
both autumn and spring rains, as before.
24 The threshing floors will be filled with grain;
the vats will overflow with new wine and oil.

25 “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—
the great locust and the young locust,
the other locusts and the locust swarm[a]—
my great army that I sent among you.
26 You will have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you will praise the name of the Lord your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.”

On October 24th 2013,  Catherine S. left the following comment on my blog “Fear No More”

“How wonderful to hear of Christ’s miracle in your life! As I read your post, I thought of Joel 2:23-26, and especially where the Lord says His people will be repaid “for the years the locusts have eaten.” I not only believe that God will continue in His faithfulness to heal you, but that the passage in Joel is a word for you.”

As I sit here one year later updating this blog post there are literally tears of gratitude and joy streaming down my cheeks again onto my very damp shirt.  His presence in my life is utterly undeniable and I am so very, very grateful.  This was my second straight October without a single PTSD episode in 15 years.  In fact I have been PTSD episode free for over 14 months now.  This freedom from flashbacks of brutal rapes and childhood sexual abuse is truly a miracle in my life and I praise Jesus for the peace that now floods my soul and mind.  I still have the occasional mild flashback, but they no longer cause me great distress and that is saying a lot; because in the last 15 years I have had nearly 50 psychiatric hospitalizations and several serious suicide attempts.

The Lord sent His autumn rains to cleanse and purify all of my fall memories.  I was four years old the first time I was molested and raped in a pile of autumn leaves and until last year the beautiful fall foliage brought to my mind only excessive fear and terror. Today I am not afraid and can actually enjoy all the colors that this season brings.  Historically my Novembers have been as challenging and difficult as my Octobers, but with all of this positive Spiritual momentum I feel like, with the help of Jesus, I can face any obstacles that the next month may bring.

The locusts have indeed eaten a good portion of my last 15 years of life.  Although in the last 3.5 years I have made significant progress in dealing with my childhood issues.  I now feel that every area of my life is in the process of complete restoration.  However, by my ex-wife’s choosing..our marriage is one thing that will not be restored.  I understand her choice and I am glad to report that we are getting along well now and that our relationship as ex’s is about as good as it can be at this point. Every other area of my life is going amazingly well.   Relationships with my children and friends are completely healed and GOD has placed the most wonderful and beautiful woman in my life.  Janet truly loves Jesus and me, and it sure looks like she is “The One”.  Spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically I have never felt better in all my 52 years.

Jesus has always been with me from my earliest childhood memories, (HE was there holding and comforting me during the abuse) but now there is an intimacy and a closeness that has been lacking in recent years due to the flashbacks.  The relationship I now share with Jesus is more than worth having to go through 15 years of hell to obtain.  As I draw closer and closer to Him, He does not retreat, but presses even closer to me than I could ever imagine or explain with mere words. This relationship leads me to connect with others in the Body of Christ even deeper than ever before.  Our times of fellowship together encourage us to press more and more into the fullness of His Truth in Love.  His mercy and grace carried me for 15 years and now all I want to do is carry His love, truth, mercy and grace to others who desperately need the touch of Christ in their lives  Thank you for that word Catherine.  It found roots in my heart and encouraged me greatly.  I know that the prayers of many have been sent out for me over the years and I appreciate every single one of them.  With the help of Jesus and His dear saints I can now stand upright and I am ready to be poured out for the sake of others now.  If Jesus could rescue and deliver me I know He can do it for you too.  Don’t give up!  Sometimes it takes awhile (even 15 years), but you just might be His very next miracle.

Love and…..

Kirk Out !


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  1. "BK" permalink

    This sure brings tears to my eyes, Christopher. As you have walked out of this long, long trial many prayers have been said. One of my ‘hold outs’ has been for the day you could enjoy the beauty of the fallen leaves of the fall season. Wow, can this perhaps be the year? I will weep with unashamed thankfulness if this tremendous restoration continues to even another milestone. Much love to you, brother, “BK”

  2. As this what Jesus said I think says this to all that choose to believe,

    Luke 22:31

    And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat:

  3. Luke 22:30-32Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

    30 that ye may eat and drink at my table in my kingdom, and sit on thrones judging the twelve tribes of Israel.

    31 And the Lord said, Simon, Simon, behold, Satan hath desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat: 32 but I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not: and when thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren.

  4. I thought Joel was written for me as I, too, have seen restoration and the super abundance of His grace, favor, and love in my life.

    So glad and thankful with you for the victory He has given you. Keep walking and abiding in it brother!

  5. "BK" permalink

    A sincere question for those here….Joel was for me too 🙂 One day as I read about those things all those worms ate being restored I noticed that it says of those pests “…MY great army which I sent among you…” ???? Could it be that those hard, HARD things in our lives were determined by the Lord…..not in meanness, but to bring us to where we are today??? I’ve wondered about this over the years, not alot, but again as I re-read this post again today. Thanks for any and all input, “BK”

  6. BK and all, I 100% believe that God uses all the adversity in our lives to help mold and shape us into what HE desires us to be. Going through what I did makes me a much more empathetic to the plight of others and equips me to reach out and touch others like never before. I am strong and tested by HIs Holy Fire, but also more loving and forgiving also.

  7. Here is a comment from Facebook:
    Wayne Jacobsen: So blessed for you, Chris. And overwhelmingly grateful at the freedom you are finding in him from all the past stuff that you endured. Much blessing and peace to you, my friend!

  8. Praise the Lord! Thank you Kirk for encouraging us in Jesus while you have dealt with these traumatic challenges. I believe your continued sowing into the Body of Christ is part of your healing. God bless you brother.

  9. Ramma permalink

    Amen, to everyone’s thoughts. I’ve wondered many times why certain things are used in my life to bring change in my spirit. Each one of us are individuals in a different space and time on this planet shining light for Him. When we don’t get it, He uses whatever it takes to get the message across to us. I’m a very stubborn, one track mind person and He’s working on me constantly. Much love all! 🙂

    • "BK" permalink

      Wow, Ramma, I sure can identify with stubborn, on track minded person who’s being worked on constantly! 🙂 Again, I am so blessed by this post, Christopher! “BK”

  10. A big loud Amen and the angels of god rejoicing over us all willing to learn especially through out travails here in life
    John 16:33 reveals to us that we will all have troubles, but not to fear for Christ has overcome this world for us, and we can hear James now when he says count it all glory when we enter dicers temptations, and hear Paul when he says to be content in all things, t know God’s love can not ever be separated from us. anyone can deny Christ but Christ can’t deny himself and Father didn’t, for he is risen
    Rejoicing in all things teaches me to just trust and not condemn, and speak when given the occasion such truth that none of the opponents that are against God can speak and us we listen and take all to God to separate any truth from any error we might have attached to that day

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