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To Hell And Back

May 9, 2013


“Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy.  In the day of my trouble I will call to You, for You will answer me.”  Psalm 86: 6-7

A horrible and amazing thing happened to me today.  I was with my psychiatrist for a medication review in his office today and I began to have some extremely intense and horrific flashbacks.  They were very vivid memories of being beaten and gang raped, at the age of 9, by my father and his two cousins.  The vision and feelings were overwhelming me and I was losing it BIG TIME.

My doctor thought fast and called my EMDR (google it?) therapist to the room.  The first thing David did was grasp my hand and then he began to pray.  I have no idea what he prayed, but the severity of the flashback backed down considerably.  Next he asked me to describe what was happening in my head and I did so in great detail.  In moments I was able to start praying myself and soon I felt Jesus in the room with us.  Next the three of us joined hands and David said that Jesus was right there with me in the flashback and also in the very room with us at that moment.  In my mind Jesus invaded my memory and began holding and comforting me and then my abusers were soon nowhere to be found.

The actual episode lasted over 20 minutes and was far more detailed than that, but the good news is that both my Dr. and my therapist were able to witness, first hand, a severe PTSD event.  This was a first for both of them and my Dr. was actually able to capture the episode on a digital recorder. This may be a major breakthrough for both me and for others who suffer from severe flashbacks.  I gave him my full permission to use the recording however he saw fit and I got a copy for myself too.

EMDR is a great tool, but the amazing thing about today was that three brothers in the faith were able to join together in prayer and wage war against the enemy.  When Jesus was lifted up He lifted me up and directly intervened in the middle of my personal hell and set me free.  I know this kind of thing doesn’t happen at your average mental health treatment facility.  I can’t even begin to tell you how fortunate I was to find these guys.  

Jesus takes such good care of me and has placed the exact people I need in my life, exactly where and when I need them.  That includes all of you out there in cyberspace who have prayed for me too.  I have some of the best friends in all the world and I don’t know how I would make it through each day without all my wonderful siblings in Christ.  Some very bad stuff happened to me today, but in the midst of it all Jesus took awesome care of me.  I get very, very, down and depressed sometimes because of my past, but even then Jesus meets me in the depths and lifts me up again.   Yes, today was quite a day; but then again they all are….

Love and…..

Kirk Out !











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  1. nancy permalink

    Thank you Lord, for your wonderful healing power…for these brothers who put their trust in You….praising the Lord today for His Power to open eyes and set the captives free…..

  2. jayne permalink

    Amazing grace. Thank you Jesus. 🙂 Wow.

    Way back in 2006, Nyssa was admitted to the hospital because a hole in her intestine which allowed gunk to leak into her abdominal cavity and all of her blood became infected. It was a nightmare. In the midst of all this, she had a seizure- a recordable seizure as it turns out because our most favorite nurse just happened to be on duty, just happened to be right there from beginning to end! Soooo…. as soon as the docs figured she was recovering from the one, they went on ahead and tested her brain and decided that, yes, Nyssa could use a little Kepra to keep the seizures at bay.
    (Her teachers had observed 2-3 over the previous couple of years, we had never seen one.)

    That seizure could have gone undetected, but Father had other plans!! I am so excited for you, Chris- this is such wonderful news. Not just because of the observation- Jesus DOES love you! So very much!! This is almost always my prayer for you- that in the midst of these episodes the fear of the situation will be thrown off by the comforting presence of your bro, Jesus. He is always with you. Always. 🙂

  3. "BK" permalink

    I am thrilled, Chris, absolutely thrilled! For you because I KNOW this is the key to your own deliverance as you walk out the other side of all these years of hell; and for all those that video is going to help. What a mighty God we serve! Love you so much, “BK”

  4. Praying for and praising with you brother

  5. Praise the Lord Jesus, my dear brother. I was reading Galatians a few minutes ago, Galatians 3:5

    “Does God then give you the Spirit and work miracles among you by your doing the works of the law or by your believing what you heard?”

    Your faith in Jesus makes you whole.

  6. CatherineS permalink

    Wow, only our Lord could orchestrate something like that in the manner that would bring the 3 of you together in prayer and reveal the way the PTSD is manifesting in you. Praying that He will use it to bring complete healing in every area of your life, and that He will continue to use your openness to bring His hope to others who have been abused.

  7. "BK" permalink

    Having thought throughout the day about this wonderful testimony of the power of God, I thought I’d post a bit more than I did earlier. This is so awesome for many reasons. First and foremost is because it is a HUGE step toward victory and deliverance for you. Sometimes we wonder along our way why seemingly horrible things happen to us (like the breakup of your marriage and dissolving of life as you knew it 2 years ago). Yet, in this case I truely believe it plunged you into taking steps into Him (just to hang onto life itself) that the comfort zone (as uncomfortable as it was) of familiarity prevented you from taking. Now, not only did He walk with you through that valley of the shadow of death; but is making it plain He was there for ALL of those valleys, even the ones that caused the flashbacks. Boy, that’s a wordy paragraph and I really am sorry cuz I don’t want to make such a beautiful thing muddied with words. Hoping I didn’t.

    Then there’s the beauty of the timing of that particular flashback. On video and all so it can not only help you but all those who study and watch and benefit from what the medical profession learn from it. Awesome, just awesome.

    I love the verse that says when we suffer together, we rejoice together…..this is a true example of that.

    Praising Jesus with you, brother, “BK”

  8. Jill Blovits permalink

    Awesome news. I’ll be praying that the breakthroughs continue!

  9. Pam Smith permalink

    I am thrilled that someone got to be there with you and help you through this, AND that it might be a tool to help you and others in the future. That is an awesome thing! God is good!

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