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A Thorny Path?

May 7, 2013

Greetings,

“To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.  Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  2 Corinthians 12: 7-10

Well, here I am again having to report that the PTSD flashbacks of my childhood sexual abuse have resurfaced.  First significant flashbacks in nearly three months.  Again I must claim progress, not perfection.  So far they have not impacted my sleep much, for which I am entirely grateful.  They have been very intense, but still manageable thus far.  I have prayed numerous times in the past 14 years for the flashbacks to be totally removed from my life, but it seems that HIS answer is still and always, “My grace is sufficient for you….”

Are the flashbacks just a thorn in my flesh?  I have considered that, but still I just don’t know.  I am not claiming to be like Paul, nor am I saying that my simple revelations are all that great.  In my own heart and mind though, sometimes they do seem pretty nifty and they do serve to open my heart and mind even more to His will and His ways. Other folks seem to get something good out of them at times too.  This always humbles me and leads me to seek His face even more.   Anything that deepens our love and understanding of Him is great in my book.

I do know that He has called me to be totally open concerning the flashbacks and my other weaknesses.  I have been told by many that my openness, in regards to my mental health issues and other struggles, has been an encouragement and blessing to them.  So here I am living life with everything out in the wide open again.  When I am weak, then I am strong in Him.

 If you are led to pray for me I would surely appreciate it.  HE has not yet revealed to me why I continue to have these flashbacks.  Perhaps it all really is for the sake of others needing His comfort and touch.  I do not have any deep and dark sins that have not been brought unto repentance.  So I press forward praising Him in the midst of my trials.  His love and comfort have brought me this far and I have no reason to doubt Him concerning the future.  Life may be difficult, but Jesus is still good to me all the time.

Love and….

Kirk Out !

 

 

 

 

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3 Comments
  1. Hey Chris
    thanks for being an open book.
    the bible’s closed to most folks that dont know Jesus; they dont read it, they read us.
    we share similar journeys, as u will see if u read my blog.
    on the PTSD front, I thot Id share my wife’s journey.
    she’s Kmer, as in Cambodian, and was about 8 or 9 when the Kmer Rouge took over the country.
    her dad was associated with the government, so he was marked and soon after, taken away and killed.
    she and her 6 siblings were split up across the country in different labor camps, working 7 days a week, 18 hrs a day, carrying 50 kg bags of rice etc.
    if u couldnt work, or got sick, or ran away, u were killed in front of every one as an example.
    the method of killing was usually gruesome and she saw thousands.
    in short, it took me 10 yrs into our marriage to realize she has PTSD.
    we married almost 30 yrs ago, have 4 great kids that sidestep her PTSD outbreaks, which are down to only several times daily now.
    she never sleeps more than a few hrs without waking with fits and starts, cries suddenly at unseemly times, has outbreaks of temper she can barely control but that is actually fear and not real anger, cant stand to even see a sword or knife in a movie, (we dont have TV) and is the most beautiful broken human Ive known.
    And i know many.
    But she loves me.
    And she loves the Lord with all her heart, and has helped me raise 4 kids who are as empathetic as any 30 veteran counselor.
    the Lord told me the week we married that I was to heal her.
    I barely knew her because Asians dont date, and I had no idea what He meant.
    her Buddhist mom hated me from the start, and had to have a dream from the Lord to let us marry, and we are good friends now.
    healing her has turned out to be to love her with all my heart exactly as she is, and teach our kids to do the same.
    I dont think the Lord sees her as broken.
    She doesnt think she’s broken either, and if anyone were to say that to her, as some have tried, she’s puzzled.
    the Lord counts us according to what we have, and what we do with what we have, and not what we dont have.
    if your’e like my wife, it takes you twice as much courage to get out of bed as the rest of us.
    so if u r like her, I think you’re a rock star in the kingdom brother, broken or not.

    blessings
    Greg
    Toronto Canada

  2. Wow Greg, Thanks for sharing! Having to deal with the PTSD has made me much more of a caring and understanding person towards others no matter their plight. Empathy is something God gave me as a gift in spite of my struggles. Love ya Gary and your wife too!

  3. "BK" permalink

    Welcome, Greg! What a marvelous testimony! I loved what you said about your wife, “I dont think the Lord sees her as broken.She doesnt think she’s broken either” because that is spot on with my thoughts as I read Chris’ post. I thought of “yea, though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death….”. Sometimes I think Christianity has given a wrong impression that to walk with Jesus means nothing is ever ‘wrong’ with us. Verses like the one above tell me it’s not ‘wrong’ to be in the valley of the shadow of death, He’s right there walking through it with us! And, Chris, why would you not want to say you are like Paul? He certainly was like us! A human being, touched and resurrected in Spirit by the living God. He wrote what the Lord showed him and sent it to those within His realm of the kingdom. If he was alive today he’d be saying, “What’s all this fuss over me and my letters? We’re ALL epistles…..” 🙂 Love you, brother, and yes, I sure am praying. Love, “BK”

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