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Trust in Jesus, Not Men, Horses Or Chariots

November 14, 2012


“As God’s fellow workers we urge you not to receive God’s grace in vain.  For He says, “In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.”  I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.”  2 Corinthians 6: 1-2

About an hour ago I sat down to finish today’s blog and right away I accidentally deleted the whole thing.  That is even more proof that I am a totally flawed human and nothing more.  If it were not for God’s grace I could not make it even one day in this world.  In the last 20 months since my separation and eventual divorce my world has been turned completely inside out and upside down.  Without the Lord I doubt that I would have survived.  There was a good chance that I would have even ended my own life.  Up until about a month ago I entertained suicidal thoughts on many occasions.  PTSD is difficult to live with, it messes with your whole life and that along with my divorce made me feel lost, unloved and completely alone.

However, now I fully realize that my feelings were wrong.  The truth is that I am found in Him and not lost. Plus I am accepted and loved by Jesus and many others.  The simple fact is that I was NEVER alone.  I am now awake and set free from 13 years of bondage to some horrific memories and flashbacks of childhood rape and abuse.  Oh, I still have momentary flashbacks, but they no longer inhibit me from living a full and excellent life without self hate and loathing.  I am now enjoying the gift of life again and I am free to love and be loved. For over 11 years I was over-medicated, sedate and minimally functional.  Now I am fully clothed in His love and in my right mind.  For this I say, thank you Lord and thank you family, friends, counselors and other loved ones.

The blog I accidentally deleted was about urgency.  I feel that the Lord Jesus is returning soon.  How soon I do not pretend to know.  Soon may even mean decades or centuries, but in my heart I sense His coming.  Things are tough now all around the world.  There are wars and rumors of wars.  Governments and economies are collapsing everywhere you look.  The USA is facing a fiscal cliff in less than 2 months and neither political party seems to really care.  Now is not the time to trust in men, horses or chariots.  It is time to turn fully towards our Lord and surrender.

I say all that to say just this:  Now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation!  To those who are struggling…”The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness.  He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” ( 1 John 3: 9)

Special thanks to everyone who reads these blogs and especially to those who take the time to comment.

Love and……

Kirk Out !



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  1. cathy taylor permalink

    It is great to see that YOU finally see that God has had you walking forward all along! Funny how we don’t see how God is working and moving in our lives till he has us moved to where he wants us to be. And then and only then we are able to see how he was working thing’s out for our good all along. Keep looking forward Christopher because God has a lot in store for you and your ministry!!! And at some point in your life when you look back at your past you are going to be able to laugh because you know that you are who you are because of your past and there is no longer any pain just joy. pstd is just a word and words can be overcome with God’s hand moving us forward.
    Great blog today with good words of wisdom.
    love cathy

  2. It is good to remember how temporary all things here are. It may be our heart stops beating or He returns, but our deliverance from this place is assured. We can endure whatever we are given for these temporary moments, knowing a far more glorious future is in store for the least of us. Thanks, Chris, for the reminder to be free from the terrors and worries, and especially from the limited and distorted resources, that exist here.

  3. cathy taylor permalink

    Sorry I spelled that wrong I ment to type PTSD

  4. I just finished reading two amazing books by Khaled Hosseini which are novels about Afghanistan from the 70s to today (“The Kite Runner” and “A Thousand Distant Suns”). It’s interesting when we, as Americans, see things getting bad for us, we sense the end of times. However, one thing these books really put into perspective for me is that there are millions of people living an unthinkable hell of their own all over the world – and who have been for a very, very long time.

    I am not being critical of our society or culture. We have been fortunate to be a blessed country and I can’t imagine being a woman born in many countries in the world. But, I do think sometimes a side effect of blessing and favor is that we lose sight of what is normal for many others in other countries. In fact, I was embarrassed many times reading these books for the simple things I take for granted on a daily basis – like indoor plumbing, a hot shower, daily bread, and the fact that I’m not regularly (and legally) beaten by a man … or the fact that while I’ve had my fair share of religious oppression – what I’ve experienced is nothing compared to what others face every day of their lives. I can walk outside and let the sunshine fall on my face – not being required to cover up in a burqa.

    Chris, I’m sure the things you’ve experienced have given you a different perspective than the average American. But, as I read about the depth of loss and the levels of pain that people all over the world are experiencing, I also see raw and absolutely genuine life experience rising from the ashes of their pain. It’s strange to me that the most evil of human atrocities brings about the most radiant and beautiful of people. I consider you one of them, Chris. You have endured so much, and it shows in the beauty of your life. Be well, brother.

  5. Wow Tavisha, thank you for your very kind words and encouragement. I am humbled and grateful.
    Thank you also Cathy and Art! I love it when these blogs help create dialogue.

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