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Ever Present Hope

August 18, 2012
 Greetings,
 
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?…..  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8: 35, 37- 39
 
Those of you who know me or have followed this blog know just how difficult this past year and a half has been for me.  From ongoing struggles with flashbacks and PTSD to my separation and eventual divorce from my wife of 30 years.  I was hospitalized three times in that stretch due to flashbacks and lack of sleep and I also attempted to take my own life in April of 2011.  Even with all of that going on Jesus never left me.
 
In fact, today I feel closer to the Lord than I ever have in my adult life.  “Quite the turnaround”, would be a major understatement.  Why am I closer to Him now than ever before?  Because He drew close to me in my affliction and need.  I lost practically everything and gained more of Jesus in the process.  Today I am more than just a survivor of childhood rape and abuse.  For the first time in 13 years I am fully living life instead of merely surviving day to day.  All this is solely because of His love and grace. 
 
In the past year I have had people tell me that God had forsaken me and that I was going to hell because of my violent flashbacks.  Both my ex-wife and I were told we were going to hell because we divorced.  I lost what I thought were friends and in the end I am better off with that loss.  People who had not walked in our shoes or even been really close in our lives condemned us both.  Why did our marriage end?  All I can say is that even under the best of conditions relationships are difficult.  Add PTSD and major depression to the mix and they are more difficult than almost anyone could imagine.
 
It took time and separation for my life with PTSD to dramatically improve.  For whatever reason being separated served to help improve both of our lives.  I think it is because we both needed to really lean on Jesus instead of each other.  My hope is for reconciliation, but only time and healing will tell.
 
All I know is that Jesus was always here with me.  Nothing that I had ever done or had done to me could separate me from the love of Christ.  If anything He came closer to me in my worst of times.  I still struggle with depression almost everyday.  At times I still wrestle with suicidal thoughts.  Yet Jesus still sticks with me through thick and thin.  If a sinner like me can be brought through difficult and hellish times  by The Lord, then ANYONE can.  Don’t give up hope!  Press on in to even more of Him.  He is our ever present hope in time of need.  Thanks for listening.
 
Love and ….
 
Kirk Out !

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3 Comments
  1. Hi Chris. Isn’t it wonderful how God works for good in all things? There are indeed treasures of darkness to be found. I read a book once called ‘Divorce the unforgiveable sin?’ written by a Christian lawyer. It is brilliant, but unfortunately was out of print last time I tried to find a copy. It is tough being divorced. The death of a relationship is tough, like any death. My first marriage lasted 27 years and I still love the guy 20 years after the event. But the wonderful thing is how you and your wife have both grown in Jesus in a way you couldn’t if you were still together. And who knows what the future holds?
    Blessings and love
    ps I am now married to a Godly man who has stuck with me through thick and thin and is my soul mate in a way the other man never was. He is such a blessing to me and together we have gone deeper into God than ever before.

  2. “He who is free IN Christ is free indeed.” Stay free, my brother!

  3. Praise God and be thankful for His mercy and grace. We don’t always know the why when things happen. But we do know that He is in charge and He know the why. Cast your cares on Him and be free,

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