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January 2, 2012


For more than 13 years now I have suffered from P.T.S.D. and related flashbacks due to being sexually, emotionally and physically abused as a child by my father.  I know I have written about this before in my blog, and those who read here also know that in the past 8 months I have made significant progress in minimizing the effects of the flashbacks.  However, in the last 11 days I seem to have turned another huge corner on my way to complete healing and restoration.  In recent months I have been corresponding with someone who shares a story similar to mine as they were also abused by their father when they were very young.  Their openness in sharing has helped me immensely and in the last 11 days our connection in Christ has been amplified to the point of true deep fellowship and love.  We have spoken very often and their love and support has helped me to the point that I have been totally flashback free since December 21’st.

This does not surprise me because fellowship and relationship have been keys to my surviving the past 13 years of flashback hell.  If it were not for my friends, family and housechurch ties I would have killed myself a dozen times by now.  Many times I have wanted to just give up and die in order to escape the pain and horror.  But my friends did not give up on me or God.  When I have been in my right mind and not in flashback hysteria I have waited for The Lord to deliver me and I have kept walking toward Him with all that is within me.  In spite of my failures His grace has indeed been sufficient for me.  I have lived out the words of Psalm 40…..

“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and the mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.”

Last night I found out AGAIN that people have been watching my struggles with great interest.  You see I am a member of NA (Narcotics Anonymous) and I have been openly telling my story there for nearly 33 years.  After I left the NA New Years party last night I bumped into a man I have known for several years and he asked me straight out to tell him about this “Jesus person” that has brought me so far in recovery and life.  Ten minutes later he was praying with me and putting his trust in the Lord for the very first time in his life.  Because I have been open and real about my affliction instead of trying to hide it, The Lord is somehow using me to reach and bless others.

Eleven days might not sound like too much success, but I am enjoying it and I want to thank my special friend for sharing about their struggles with me.  A wise man once told me that by His stripes we are healed, and in turn by our stripes others are healed.  I find that statement to be very true.

Love and……

Kirk Out !


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  1. Gary Z permalink

    I saw “Stripes” and it was a reference to an old Bill Murray movie. But reading today’s blog brings tears of joy instead of laughter. Praise the Lord \o/

    Thanks for sharing so openly on this blog, Chris. May the Lord bless you and all His kids richly in 2012 as He heals the scars of our collective past. He will never leave us or forsake us, and “that’s the fact, Jack!” (Sorry, but I just had to sqeeze that in somewhere 😉

  2. Get this Gary…. I was actually in the movie Stripes too! I was in basic training at Fort Knox when they filmed Stripes and I am actually in some background scenes marching in formation. Stripes is a very funny movie. Thanks for the memories! Love, Chris

  3. Pam Smith permalink

    The last two blogs have been so excellent. I am so thrilled to hear that the flashbacks have been nonexistent for a while here! That is such an amazing testimony to God’s faithfulness. Hugs Buddy

  4. “…by His stripes we are healed, and in turn by our stripes others are healed.” That statement IS very true. As Paul wrote, “I am now rejoicing in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am completing what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church.” All that is lacking in Christ’s afflictions is the taking of it to others. We take it to others in our own bodies. Our afflictions can either be used for nothing and remain meaningless, or they can “complete what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions” and be used to bring the good news of Yeshua’s suffering and resurrection to the suffering of the world. Thank You, God, for Your mercy to us!

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