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All Things……

December 27, 2011

Greetings,

Well, it is just after Christmas and a new year will soon be here and for the first time in a really long time I face tons of uncertainties.  My divorce will be final in a few short weeks and I will be single for the first time in 3o years.  I was used to being a “we” and now just being a “me” feels totally strange to me.  Big questions loom over me like…. will I ever find love again and if I do..what will that new relationship look like?  I also don’t know how long to wait before pursuing a real relationship with another woman.  But then again I have been separated and living on my own for nine months now and that has gone really well.  I guess I just fear the unknown and that is pretty normal

The one constant in my life is Jesus and I am extremely thankful for Him ALWAYS being there for me.  Still I worry about stuff like, can God use me after my divorce?  After all,  here I am a guy whose life and ministry is supposed to be all about relationships and now I have failed at the key relationship of marriage.  How does that happen and how can I expect others to want to hear what I have to say concerning relationships now?  I see two distinct ways to look at this:  1.  I am a total failure  2. I was basically successful for 30 years.

Black and white thinking I know, but it is part of how I am wired.  The real truth however is this:  It never was about me in the first place.  What it is about is The Spirit speaking through me.  And the amazing thing is that He ever used me in the first place.  I have baggage and I am broken, but He does somehow still use me for His purposes in spite of myself.  It is by grace that He saved me and it is still by grace that He fills and uses me now.

No matter what happened in the past, including the divorce, is in the past and is forgiven because of the sacrifice He made on the cross.  I am loved not because of anything I can do, but because of what He has done.  The fact is that He is Love and His Love cannot be escaped.

Will I love and be loved again?  Yes, I am certain that this process is already beginning to happen.  I do have a future and I do have hope.  Because of Jesus “all things are possible”.

Love and …..

Kirk Out !

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3 Comments
  1. We all live and serve by grace, not by right or might. We are loved with a love that has no basis in who we are or what we do, but in who He is and what His Son has done. Most of us never get to understand that. We think we have strength and wisdom and capabilities. We try to earn favor and acceptance, and act as though we are better than others, measuring ourselves by others. This limits us to what we can do on our own, and without Him, we “can do nothing.”

    Most of us stubbornly struggle on, thinking we are doing God service. Sometimes, we really hit the wall and find ourselves over our heads. It is a curious thing that in our deepest failures we are most frequently blessed to realize the end of our own labors for all these things, to see our pride reduced to its gasping deathbed. Do not rescue your pride.

    How humble and gentle and full of grace we might be with one another and with those without, when we really grasp our standing in grace, the extent of His love and provision for us. Sadly, this is not what we are known for, nor do we know these of Him.

  2. Exactly, Chris! There was no “Chris-success” in the 30 years, and no “Chris-failure” in the end. God has you and Lori right where He wants you. May HE be the completion of both of you, and of all of us who have the privilege of being on your journey with you.

    Jim

  3. Pam Smith permalink

    Walking by faith is never an easy thing. But for most of us, if we reallly knew what the future held we would hesitate, and maybe not even have the courage to face it at all. But, God is grace, and love. He prepares us step by step, moment by moment with a strength and a courage we have no idea is inside us until we need it. Then somehow, miraculously, it’s there.
    As far as God using you after a divorce… OF COURSE. Chris, honestly, there is a whole set of hurting people that are facing, or have faced that very question. You now have a entirely new ministry and new set of relationships out there that you will be real with, and minister to, and be ministered by. It takes 2 to make a marriage work. That is no judgement on Lori. But the fact of the matter is, regardless of how hard you try, if she finds herself in a place that she can’t try any longer, the marriage fails. You two had some pretty HUGE hurdles the past several years, and there has to be healing on both sides. My prayer is regardless of whether you are married to Lori or not, I pray, earnestly, that you will remain friends, and prayer partners, and still relate. That will certainly lend to stability for the kids and for each of you, since BOTH of you have been all about relational Christianity for years and years.
    Our thoughts and prayers are always there, for both you and Lori, and the kids. (Although most are hardly kids any more!). I agree with Jim. God has you both right where he wants you…in the palm of his hand… and WILL COMPLETE it.
    hugs

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