A Man Of Sorrows
“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12: 9-12
To be totally honest I am really struggling with sorrow and depression today. I am not having many flashbacks, but it is still related to my PTSD. I have the joy of the Lord deep in my heart and my hope in Him springs eternal. On top of that I have been totally faithful in prayer, but somehow I still struggle. I guess it is just my turn again to be patient in affliction.
Sometimes I wonder if my struggles will ever end on this side of life. I have been faithful for nearly 14 years in facing this affliction. Today is just an especially difficult day for me. Recently I have been praying much for my siblings in Christ who are still trapped in the traditional/religious system. I hold great sorrow in my heart for them and I know that is affecting my overall mental health. Today I shed many tears for others and for myself. When I drop my pride and allow those healing waters to flow it always helps my state of being.
I guess I have allowed too much sorrow to build up within my heart and mind. Recently burying two close, near my age, friends and losing a 24 year old friend to suicide is a lot to process. However, after doing everything I can do to stand…. I still find myself standing in spite of my affliction and sorrows. Christ in me is strong, even though I am weak. My own strength is failing, but I can feel the Spirit lifting me up and giving me the encouragement to carry on. Zeal for my Father’s House consumes me; and that true House is the real Body of Christ.
Right now I want to thank Jesus for all His love and support. Without Him I can truly do nothing. Thanks also to all my dear friends and close siblings in Christ. Without their love, support and prayers I am less than dirt. To everyone else out there who is reading this blog….. I appreciate your prayers. Thanks for reading my musings and considering their validity. Thanks also for your comments and notes of encouragement. Please remember Jesus is everything and I am nothing. Be blessed in Him!
Kirk Out !